That Love Awaits...

Friday, September 26, 2008

6:18 AM

Prelims are over and done with. I didnt do well as expected. I did improve slightly though I dont think its enough. Sighs.

That aside, I wanna say that I'm really proud of those who have really put in effort, which is reflected in their results. Congrats! (:

Actually my head is too messed up right now for me to blog properly. This week has really been an emotional roller coaster ride. And I just realised how nuch I hate being alone and out of control.

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

Labels: finish strong

Friday, September 19, 2008

8:59 PM

Prelims are over but the final lap is just about to begin.
Played volleyball with my classmates after our last paper on Thursday. I headed home and met them at ECP ard 1. I had lots of fun despite the heat, watching Satiya take his baby steps in rented skates. Watching him fall on his butt counteless of times. I guess chilling out with friends is the best way to relax. Went to the arcade for awhile but it wasn't that interesting. Headed to the pool parlour above Macs after that.

I guess I'm one of the few girls on my class who knows how to play. Played with Jonathan, who's pretty good. The way he plays reminds me so much of someone else I know. It was quite pressurizing though, being watched as I took aim and placing the balls in. For some reason I played well despite the fact that I havent played since June. All I can say is that I've got a good trainer(whom I always lose to) The disciple can never excel better than the master but I should challenge him soon (:

Anyway, the girls came over yesterday and we had a really good chat. I'm glad to see everyone smiling at least. Before that me and Fatmah were watching Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, (hope i spelt that right). It brought back nostalgic memories of my cousins in Canada as I watched my first ever Hindi movie with them. Boy do I miss them. Hopefully I'll get a chance to visit them soon enough especially since there's a baby girl on the way (:

Went to airport last night to send my other cousin off to India. She's been having a difficult pregnancy and she needs help taking care of her daughter, Nazirah. She had a miscarriage once before so this is technically her third child. I hope she'll do fine. Oh and I realise that kids just love to salivate their soft toys and drag them around on the floor. No wonder their stuff gets dirty so easily. I can just imagine the amount of bacteria residing on the yellow bunny she was clinging on to yesterday. Poor bunny, I hope it makes it to India in one piece.

Oh and I realise that most of my nieces have names which are relatively similar to mine. So far, there's Nazirah and Nazihat. I bet it was my grandfather's idea. LOL. Oh well, I guess I should be honoured (:

Labels: all around me

Monday, September 15, 2008

4:04 AM

8 papers down, 3 more to go to the end of my prelims.
The last 100 metres before my final sprint...

Accompanied Khalid to the ubi driving centre today so he could tell me his side of the story. He was pestering me to sign up for a license as well but a driving license is the last thing on my mind right now. Anyway, I have all the time after my As.

After signing up, he went to buy his toiletries and met up with me again after at marine parade libary. It was overcrowded with schoolgirls and Khalid just couldnt help commenting. After a few hours of chatting, I've come to realise that he does have a few valid points in his argument that ultimately led to that critical decision.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying what he did was right, neither am I siding him. Right now, I'm the neutral party. All I can say is that I've heard his side of the story and what he says makes sense. Under the circumstances, I feel he did what he felt was right. Hopefully my girlfriends will understand better when I explain to them later this week.

During our conversation, I've come to understand Khalid and even Nazry slightly better. I realise that everyone has their own personal views, beliefs and perceptions. There is no such thing as being absolutely right, neither is there a thing as a single common view.

Priorities and views differ with differing personalities. Religion may be a top priority for some whilst for others it may be family, love or even money. We shouldn't criticize or dislike people based on their beliefs. We should be able to accept others as they are, although we may not necessarily see eye to eye on certain matters.

For me, I believe it's wise to listen to what others have to say before making a critical judgement. You shouldn't just dismiss it without understanding. The more you listen, the more you learn. So, let me apologise to all those whom I've dismissed unconsciously, especially to my special someone.

I have not been understanding enough lately, getting frustrated easily and venting it all out on you when I didn't actually listen to what you had to say. I'm sorry for contradicting myself time and time again, confusing and troubling you. I didn't realise the pressure you've been under and sufferings you've been withstanding silently. I'm sorry for being selfish. Forgive me?

You walked with me
Footprints in the sand
And helped me understand
Where I'm going

You walked with me
When I was all alone
With so much unknown
Along the way
Then I heard you say

(Chorus)
I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow
And despair
I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand

I see my life
Flash across the sky
So many times have I
Been so afraid

And just when I
Have thought I'd lost my way
You gave me strength to carry on
Thats when I heard you say

(Chorus)
I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow
And despair
I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand

When I'm weary
Well, I know you've been there
And I can feel you when you say

I promise you (you)
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sadness (when your heart)
And despair (and despair)
I'll carry you
When you need a friend (need a friend)
You'll find my footprints in the sand

(I promise you)
(I'm always there)
When your heart is full of sadness (sadness)
And despair (And despair)
I'll carry you (I'll carry you)
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand

Labels: footprints

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

2:45 PM

It's 5.30 in the morning and I can't seem to fall back asleep. Sighs.

After what he said last night, my agitation has only increased by the hour and I'm feeling too uneasy to go back to sleep. Although he assured me that what he asked was just out of curiosity, I can't help but feel there's something written in between the lines.

If what he asked really happens, I doubt i'll be the only one affected. But if it does happen, am I ready? Hmmm. I think the most honest answer would be a no. And to answer his question, I really don't know what I'll do.

A politically correct answer would be that I'll just let it be and move on but honestly I don't know if I'll be able to. The wounds would definitely take a long time to heal and I'll definitely be broken.

Our lives have become so intertwined that if I try to pull one out or untangle in any way, the other would snap. That's what I feel anyway. Sighs. Maybe i'm just overthinking.

Four days left to exams...
Overthinking isn't going to help.

If I could reach, higher
Just for one moment touch the sky
From that one moment in my life
Im gonna be stronger
Know that Ive tried my very best
Id put my spirit to the test
If I could reach...

Labels: reach higher